Birthday Blues II

I just remembered that during my party, one of my orgmates asked me to drink a bottle of beer straight up [or was it just a toast?--i can't recall anymore as I was totally hammered] and told me that I was a considerably "well-loved" orgmate [he spoke in the vernacular so I'm translating as best I can]. Coming from one of my invitees that night, I'd say that his statement was pretty much the usual complement a guest would give his host, especially during the latter's birthday. I'd do the same, in fact. To my mind, being solicitous is the least you could do for a host who is celebrating his birthday. And so, a host shouldn't give much thought to any complement he/she receives considering that, at the end of the day, most of them could actually be only half-meant.

However, coming from that particular orgmate, I think I should give his words some more thought. After all, my impression of him is that of a person who basks in his naivete, harboring no ill-feelings against anyone, and keeping no vested interests. Mr. Nice Guy personified. I guess my point is that he may actually have meant what he said to me.

So I am grateful that people look up to me. But do I deserve it? Maybe, maybe not. For those whose company and friendship I cherish, I'd like to think that I'm a great friend, and that they would probably agree with the observation of my orgmate. After all, despite the fact that I can be bratty and obnoxious, they still take me for who I am. What puzzles me, however, is the that fact the "others" seem to share the sentiments of those within my circle.

People are weird. You show them a small measure of kindness [whether intended or not] and they think that you're a friggin' saint. I don't blame them. After all, it is but natural to assume and look for the innate goodness in others. Verily, only those who have been exposed to the seedy side of men will be wary--a fact which was betrayed when I answered my orgmate [again, in the vernacular]: "I may be well-loved, but will it do well for me to 'love' others in the same way?" Following that was the clink of our bottles before I said to him [with a smirk], "Cheers."

Looking back, I should have just drank straight up. That was admittedly a stupid thing to say, but as I will say time and again, I am no saint. And I hate it when people expect me to be one just on the basis of a couple of good deeds I may have unintentionally done. I hate to disappoint, and by complementing me, people actually just make it harder for me to be, me. Oh well. :)