The [Mis]Adventures of Suping, Supermaid [Episode 1]

Suping [not her real name], our house helper, is a class act. She single-handedly managed to turn our quiet lives into a nightmare. No, she is no Mary Poppins--she's got no "magic" and got no brains. Neither is she a Maria Von Trapp--she has absolutely no trait that would endear her to us. She is the anti-thesis of Mary Poppins and Maria Von Trapp. She is, hands down, the maid from hell. In fact, if the word "Duh!" had a face, its face would be Suping.

I hate the way she talks, whether in person or through the phone/intercom. I hate the way she dresses, and I hate everything that she does. It takes an inordinately long time for her to respond to our requests, and it takes an even longer time for her to process our instructions. Everything she does is wrong. Everything about her is wrong.

Take this anecdote, for example. One time, our family dined on Angus Beef Steak which our mom bought from Santi's. One piece of steak was left uncooked for my brother who wasn't able to join us for dinner. The day after, my dad instructed Suping not to buy food at the market for the lunch of the household staff, but rather, to just finish the food in the freezer. Of course, my dad was referring to all the other food in the freezer EXCEPT the steak [which had previously been reserved for my brother]. Nevertheless, Suping, being the genius that she was, cooked the steak for herself--to the dismay of my brother, who was looking forward to a sumptuous piece of steak for his lunch. He was dumbfounded, and probably a little distressed, too [You know the feeling you get when you anticipate something but in the end don't get it? My brother probably got that]. In the end, my brother had to content himself with fried tuyo and eggs, while Suping dined on the most succulent Angus Beef Steak she had probably ever tasted in her whole life.

Don't get me wrong, we love eating fried tuyo and eggs. In fact, we eat it a lot in our house. We share our food with the household staff, too. What we don't like, however, is when people eat the food already reserved for us. Jesus Christ. What the hell was Suping thinking?! Good thing I wasn't at home. Otherwise, I'd probably have her eat everything in the fridge--raw.