What Women Think About Jobs

I am quoting in toto [in its entirety] an interesting post which I came across while doing some blog research. It's from a blog entitled: "Wonderful Online Women [Fabulous single females over 50 find fun and friendship while navigating the strange world of online dating and men who inhabit it.]" You can find it at http://wonderfulonlinewomen.blogspot.com/. Men may pick up a lesson or two from the piece. Here goes:

"Warning - this is R-rated!

I warn you. This is a posting about a subject we don't talk about. You know the kind when we have so much to say but we can't bring it up. We want to, but we think our ideas are really weird or that we’re the only one who thinks this way or that everybody knows all about it but us or that it’s all just too embarrassing to even think about. So, be prepared. Yes, it’s the blow job.

There are a variety of reasons for giving a blow job. We know they like it and we want to please them. We want them to go down on us, so we think we’d better do it to them. We want them to think we are doing our share in the bedroom, so we do it from time to time. Or it’s a barter, like when they offer to wash our car or take us to dinner or go to a party with our friends that they don’t like if we’ll give them a blow job. Did you notice that I didn’t mention that we do it because we like it?

And, yes, there are lots of reasons not to do it. We have to put their penis, no matter how big or small or hard or soft, in our mouths and suck and sometimes the guys just lie there like rugs and don’t move or make sounds so we don’t know if we’re doing it right or if they like what we’re doing. What if it’s just too big and we can barely get it in our mouths? Or so small, we can hardly find it and then it’s so difficult to maneuver because there is so little to work with? Should we suck it or lick it or both and should we rub it while we’re sucking it or reach under and do something with the hairy hangy-down things or what? And should we really put it way down in our throats while we rub and suck and then how do we keep doing all those things at the same time while we are gagging and trying not to throw up? And, of course, while we’re busy trying to figure it all out and do it at the same time, we’re also supposed to moan and oooh and ahhhh so they think we’re actually enjoying ourselves but we’re really just thinking that if we moan and oooh and ahhh, then maybe they’ll come quicker and we can stop. And do we really have to put it in our mouths if they say they took a shower this morning but then worked all day and played a few games of softball and drank beer with their buddies in the heat – are we really supposed to put it in our mouths if, um um, well, it doesn’t exactly smell good down there?

And when do we stop? One minute? Ten minutes? Until they come? Who knows? And if they come, do we let them come in our mouths and then do we swallow it or spit it out on the sheets without them noticing or can we just get up and run to the bathroom and spit it out in the sink and rinse out our mouths without offending them too much? What’s a girl to do?

I know, I know...they don’t call it a job for nothing."

ultrajunkie says: My goodness. No wonder you're a fifty-something year old single woman. You talk too much it's totally annoying. I highly doubt if you'd even give the most sexually deprived man a hard-on. My advice to you is to clear your mind of all these useless trivialities and just focus on the task at hand. In other words, shut up and swallow. :)

Touched for the Very First Time

I had dinner with two of my favorite girl friends a while ago at this hip place in Greenbelt. Over some hot asian fusion cuisine, one of my friends was relating to me and my other friend how she got de-virginized recently. Indeed, the pungency of our meal was not only appropriate, but rather, it served to highlight, if not underscore, the general direction of the discussions for the evening.

First a backgrounder. This virgin friend of ours is no saint. In fact, for those who didn't know her, her demeanor would probably betray her being a woman of the world, i.e., a "woman-on-top" kind of girl. And a "woman-on-top" she was, for she makes no secret of her desires and even dares us to follow her lead. Truly remarkable, I should say, for a woman, whose small-town roots and conservative background serve no more purpose than to remind her to take extra precaution [read: take morning-after pills] during those nights of utter hedonism.

And so she related that she visited this guy, because her "you-know-what" was itching. And itching like hell it was...much like a thousand [in this case 29] year-old virgin rainforest waiting to be discovered by some explorer or conqueror [or to be inhabited by some savage tribe of pygmy headhunters, however unlikely, hehehe]. She asked to be examined, and according to her, she was expertly touched by this explorer, who knew almost immediately that she was still a virgin. In fact, according to our friend, the guy-turned-explorer/conqueror even asked her if she was indeed a virgin. Of course, our friend couldn't lie, lest she be sentenced to eternal damnation for lying.

To make the long story short, our friend still remains a virgin. And her "you-know-what" remains untouched and as pristine as when she was a dalagita/neneng. But, as I mentioned above, our friend has desires, and afraid of new things, she is not. And so though she remains immaculate, and will remain immaculate until the day someone truly claims her, according to her, the guy-turned-explorer/conqueror had different designs. And different indeed, they were, for according to our friend, she was examined, "drilled" and probed in the wrong hole.

With a sneaky smile, our friend could only say, "I felt as though I was raped."

My friend, if it were not for the lack of intent, you really were. :)